


Always Gold

by WasNekoDreaming



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Depression, Exiled Tommyinnit, Gen, Ghost Wilbur Soot, Ghostbur, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Suicidal Thoughts, Tommy's having a bad time, no beta we die like ghostbur, tommy just wants to go home
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:22:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27956843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WasNekoDreaming/pseuds/WasNekoDreaming
Summary: After his exile Tommy decides what to do next.Who knows what his consequences could be, but anything is better than staying where he is.
Relationships: Dave | Technoblade & Phil Watson, Dave | Technoblade & TommyInnit & Wilbur Soot & Phil Watson, No Romantic Relationship(s), TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & Phil Watson
Comments: 7
Kudos: 248
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	1. And so it begins.

“Can-... Can I come back some day?”

“No, I don’t think you can Tommy”

“Not even on Christmas?”

“I might make an exception on Christmas day.. But probably not.”

\--

Standing on an unfamiliar beach watching Dream sail away, Tommy felt unsure and truly alone for the first time in so long. What would he do now?  
At least when there was a war going on he could still sneak around to talk to Tubbo _‘my best friend, whywhywhy?’_ or watch his brothers _‘broken, traitorous, painpainpainpleasemakeitstop’_ squabble about how long Techno had been awake for or how long it had been since Wilbur had washed his clothes.

Now he was alone. Sure, Wilbur’s ghost was here with him for now but the spectre was tied to L’manburg in a way that Tommy wouldn’t be, _couldn’t be_ from this point on, and no doubt Wilbur would travel back to his home at some point soon. He could do that, so why would he not?

If Tommy gave his life in trade for his home, could he go back then? Probably not.

“Tommy?” His brother could sneak up on him so easily now and for just a moment Tommy was still able to see dark cavern walls filled with far too many buttons and whispered threats against his life, his shoulders hunching in preparation for a heavy hand and and- “Tommy you should go inside soon, it’s getting dark and those mobs can't hurt me but they can still hurt you… Did I give you a fright Tommy? I’m sorry”

“Yeah… Thanks Wi-... Thanks Ghostbur, I will” If Wilbur had any thoughts on this whole thing, he hadn’t really said them yet. This was a vacation or something, according to Wilbur. How nice for him.  
Down the beach and up the hill stood a little dirt shack that held the new sum of his possessions; a shoddy bed, a few pieces of steak and some easily claimed wood from the nearby trees. Nothing like what he had before, but hopefully this wouldn’t last long.  
He had faith in his best friend. Once things settled down in L’manburg and Dream stopped raging so hard about everything Tubbo would come find him and bring him home again.

Right?


	2. Blue boys

Morning couldn’t have really come soon enough if Tommy had any say on the matter.

Not that he ever actually did, the mobs outside his door certainly didn’t care when he told them to fuck off. If anything they had come swarming closer, and it was only Tommy basically launching himself out of bed to hold the door closed that saved him from being swarmed.   
Wilbur was kind enough to stick his head out through the wall, seeming happy to help as he reported back the six or so zombies that were lurking outside his door.

Usually he would be fine dealing with six measly zombies. Usually he would have enough resources to kill any mob who bothered him.   
This would have to be his new usual though, apparently, since there was really nothing else that Tommy could do but sit and wait.   
  
\--   
  
“Would you like some blue?” Blinking awake with a jolt, unaware that he had even fallen asleep slumped against the door and not saying anything about the blanket tucked around his shoulders, Tommy looked up at the transparent form of his brother and asked

“How much of that stuff do you even have?”

“You can never have enough blue” Even if you couldn’t see Wilbur you could still hear the smile in his voice. Blue was the thing to make him happy now _‘It used to be me, us. Our family…’_

“Y’know what? Sure. I’d love some blue” Everyone just sort of accepted it when Wilbur offered them his blue, Tommy had always found it weird but now it was some small comfort from his brother _’the only one-...’_

Holding out his hand in expectation of a pinch of blue powder, Tommy was surprised by the little leather pouch being put in his hand instead. “It’s so that you don’t lose any on vacation” Wilbur added with a bright smile as Tommy accepted the gift from his brother.   
The pouch was held closed by a tight drawstring, which opened to reveal a stash of the soft looking blue that Wilbur usually gave out.

“Did you give me all of your blue, Wil?”

“Course not, you just seem like you need a lot of it right now Toms”   
  
At least he still had Wilbur. At least he wasn’t completely alone yet.


	3. Power Down

It took Dream three days to come back, bringing Sapnap along as well so they could both laugh at how poor and sad Tommy was.    
Wilbur seemed happy to see them, which was weird even now. After everything they had been put through at the hands of these fuckers, still being put through in Tommy’s own case, it did sting just a little to see his brother being so friendly to the people who had started all of their pain.

“Oh you’ve made progress huh?” Dream sounded happy for him, and immediately Tommy was on edge.

“Yeah well, you decided to bring me to the most mob-infested spot in the area so I sort of had to, Dweam” 

“Cute.” Digging a hole down through the soil and rocks, Dream said “Put the armor in the hole, Tommy”

Tommy stepped back and Dream traded it for a step forward, unfortunately stepping around the pit “but- wh- I worked hard for these why are you taking them from me now? Why come back?”

“I don’t see any mobs around Tommy, you don’t need armor. Throw the sword in too, I saw those diamonds and you don’t need those either”

“Wh- No I’m not giving you my stuff. You’re in netherite, why do you need this?” Another traded step, a mutter of something ominous from Sapnap.

“It’s not what I need, Tommy. It’s what you don’t need.”

“But I do need these Dream”

“Well if you don’t want to give them up I can just kill you?” He would too. Tommy knew he wouldn’t hesitate, he hadn’t hesitated to slash and hack at him the first night when he had forced Tommy out of his armor and the pack of items he had brought to the meeting just in case.

“But-.. Fine. If you feel that threatened by a teenager in iron armor I won’t make you feel any worse, Dweam” the words stung, tearing their way out of him as he pulled off his armor and threw it into the green bastards pit. He could feel tears coming, but he didn’t want to cry in front of Dream or Sapnap. They would just mock him more for it, they had before and Tommy wasn’t keen on repeating the experience.

“Good. See, that wasn’t so hard was it?” Dream sounded happy as he blew up Tommy’s stuff once again, placing slabs over it to protect Tommy from the worst of the blast now that he was armorless once more.

“Well if that’s all you needed I’ll be off, lads” He ignored the glance that Dream and Sapnap shared, walking away once he was sure that the TNT had gone off. Dream hadn’t let him check for any remains last time  _ ‘shrapnel and gem shards embedded in the stone walls of the pit that lay under Tommy’s temporary home, nothing left that was useful’  _ and Tommy doubted it would be any different this time.

“Tommy we came to help you. We’ll protect you!” Dream sounded far too happy at the idea of hanging around Tommy, but it wasn’t exactly like he could say no now that he had no armor and no sword of his own.

“Fine. If you pussies can keep up, I’ll let you protect me”    
  
He wanted them to leave him to his misery, but they never would. Dream had laughed off all of his attempts the last time, and if anything the guy was even more clingy this time. Dramatic and eager to ‘help’ Tommy in any way that he could after completely blowing away his progress, the blonde felt like he couldn’t do anything but watch as Sapnap and Dream competed to see who could protect him best. When Sapnap gave Wilbur a speed potion and said it was drugs, Tommy laughed but there was no heart in it.   
When Wilbur used his communicator to say bad words to BadBoyHalo until it timed him out, Tommy checked his own messages while the other three laughed. No change. Was Tubbo coming soon? This was hell, and Tommy was ready to come home.

This wasn’t funny anymore, not that Tommy had ever really been laughing.

He just wanted to go home.   
  



	4. Glowing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy is positively glowing... Well, his dreams are at least.

Ever since that first day travelling through the nether  _ ‘Boots on his back and a following kick to his ribs keeping him from viewing the shifting orange and red sea below them’ _ Tommy had felt the pull.   
  
At first it was the other portal. As days passed he woke up more than once sweating, reaching out for blackstone and glowing purple mist in his dreams, and Tommy was pretty sure he could even hear the echoing  _ popcracklesnap _ of lava in the distance even when he wasn’t anywhere near it.    
Ghostbur would show up sometimes, the transparent figure always asking “What’s wrong, Toms?” and when Tommy would tell him it wasn’t anything to worry about the ghost looked doubtful for a moment before offering him more blue. Always more blue.

Tommy’s dreams were never blue, and they weren’t black or purple now either. Now shifting red, yellow and orange blinded his dreams every night, the searing warmth of an everlasting hug filling his dreams.    
  
“What sort of weird dreams, Toms?” Ghostbur had asked once, hovering just above his bed in a sitting position   
“You’ve been talking about having these weird dreams for almost two weeks now Tommy, and I know my blue doesn’t seem to help you feel happier but I’ve heard that talking about your problems can help”   


The torchlight coming in from outside tnret revealed the edges of a smile, and Tommy pulled the little pouch of blue out of his inventory. How could he tell his brother about his dreams without sounding crazy. He had seen crazy, he would know. “I’m dreaming about L’manburg. Before the war, I mean…. It makes my chest hurt, Wil. It’s too much” Gods he sounded wretched, and if the reaction from Ghostbur was anything to go by he probably looked just as bad. He should be worried that lying to Wilbur about things like this came so easily, but he didn’t even think about it right now. The thoughts of L’manburg, the old L’manburg before walls and explosions and so, _ so many betrayals _ , had truly been plaguing him as well but they had been drowned out in a wall of ever rising flame that he figured would possibly concern Wilbur more.    


“Oh Toms, no it’s okay Tommy you don’t need to cry… If I knew I would make you this sad I would have brought more blue” He was crying? Tommy didn’t like crying in front of people, showing his weaknesses to people and especially to his family after so many betrayals seemed wrong to him now, but it was too late now. When he touched his cheek his fingertips came away wet, and once the tears began they just didn’t stop.    
“What can I do Tommy? I just want to see you happy ag-..”   


“You can’t do anything Ghostbur. I’m crying like a little bitch in front of you and you can’t do anything because I just really need a fucking hug right now and the only other person here can’t fucking give me one!” He shouldn’t have said that and he was just pushing his only company, the remnant of his own brother who he had once loved so so much, away but it honestly didn’t even matter now anyway. He was already so fucking alone and so fucking sure that one of these days Ghostbur would leave him for good.

“Tommy I’m-.. I’m sorry Tommy I don’t know why Alivebur did the things he-”

“No I don’t care just fuck off Wil… I need to get some sleep incase that green prick shows his ugly fucking face around here again tomorrow”   


Was it a coward's way out? Yes  
Did it hurt the only family he was actually even close to right now? Yes  
Did it matter to the boy with ice in his veins and lava in his dreams? No

  
Throwing himself back down into his bed and pulling his blankets up over his head like the fucking  _ child _ everyone thought he was, Tommy ended the conversation with his brother on a bad note. It got Ghostbur to leave him alone and that was all he really wanted at that point. He didn’t want his brother to see him looking so weak on top of looking as beaten down as he already did.

The  _ cracklepop  _ or lava only got louder in his ears, drowning out the sound of his own quiet sobbing and eventually dragging him once more into glowing dreams.   
  
In the morning there was a photo of the L’Manburg Christmas tree and a gift box waiting for him, a freezing cold breeze flowing through his tent, and a lack of a certain ghost anywhere in the camp.


	5. Welcome Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If a teenager cries in the nether and nobody is there to see it, is he really crying at all?

Nobody else cared about him. It was official now.

Dream probably didn’t care about him, but the man was the only one still showing him any positive affection. How low had Tommy really fallen, if he was relying on _Dream_ of all people for the scraps of positivity that had kept him from ending it all.  
  
Tommy sighed but didn’t even answer himself, just putting his signature on the cover of the book he had been writing. At least the people who had pretended to care for him would have one last thing to burn once he was gone. That would probably make them happy. Most of his preparations were done now, nothing holding him back anymore from the single long, warm embrace that waited for him through that portal. Lava popped somewhere nearby, the bubbling sound in his ears becoming him closer to the portal which crooned it’s own welcome as he approached.  
  
It was time to go home now.  
  
\--  
  
The sounds of lava that had been echoing around his head in the overworld almost overwhelmed Tommy once he made it into the nether, the soft _bubblecracklepop_ seeming to echo off of the walls and bounce around his mind as Tommy slowly took one step after another closer to the proverbial edge. The physical edge he wanted was still a bit further of a walk, he didn’t just want to throw himself off of the nearest ledge after all. No, he wanted somewhere special, somewhere closer to the dimming fireside warmth of his old home and the scraps of affection he still held for his claimed family. The closest place to that now was the portal that had once led him back to SMP lands. The one place that could save him, close enough to touch and yet still so very far out of reach.  
  
Lucky enough to not be bothered by any of the nether mobs, almost as if they were waiting to call him home at the right time, Tommy walked down the cobble and obsidian pathway that he had made to connect his secluded patch of ‘paradise’ to the rest of the SMP. The unused path, since Dream was the only one who came to visit and he said that using his trident was still faster.  
  
_‘I shouldn’t have even bothered making this, it made no difference anyway… Notch I must look pathetic_ ’

The thought had him pausing near the end of the cobble pathway, gazing out over the wide-open spaces of the SMP Nether Hub for a moment before his eyes flicked down to the glowing lava sea again. Almost there now, no chickening out again this time.

This time he had to do it, before he did something he’d really regret.

One step after another pulled him closer again to the portal hub, the tired looking teen pausing under the remains of an archway that had been made at the beginning of the obsidian path.

This was it.

This was the only place close enough to his true home for Tommy to reach.

Everything but the _popcracklepop_ of the nearby lava seemed to fade away but still Tommy didn’t move from under that archway. He hoped for once someone would come through that portal and see what was actually happening to him. That someone would come through and save him from what he had planned for himself, take him away from the proverbial edge and stay with him for more than a few hours every other week. But nobody did.

“Of course nobody did, they don’t fucking care”

He jumped, whirling around frantically for a moment before he realized that it must have been his own voice. It had to have been, no matter how hard he had hoped there wasn’t actually anyone else there to pull him back to safety. This time there was no Wilbur to put an arm around his shoulders and hold him safe, no Phil wrapping him up in a never-ending hug when he was scared, and certainly no Techno to give him quiet advice when he needed it the most. This time he was alone and suffering, and his family couldn't care less.

If a teenager cries in the nether and nobody is there to see it, is he really crying at all? The speed at which they evaporated told Tommy his answer as he shuffled over to the edge of the dark platform and pulled off his shoes. He wouldn’t need those where he was going. He couldn’t, however, bare to be away from his ‘Your Tubbo’ compass. He should hate it, but whenever he tried to throw it away or damage it beyond repair he wouldn’t be able to.  
“Even after all this I guess I can’t stop being so clingy, huh Tubbo?” One lone tear managed to plop down onto the glass surface with a sizzle, Tommy wiping it away before all of the water could evaporate away.  
  
Placing the compass back around his neck, Tommy pulled out his communicator and sighed.  
  
**TommyInnit: Wilbur? Techno?**

******Ph1LzA: Hey mate**

******TommyInnit: …** **  
** **  
** **TommyInnit: Dad?**

******Ph1LzA: Tommy?**

******Technoblade: What’s going on** **  
**

**TommyInnit: I’m sorry  
  
** **WilburSoot: Tommy do you need some blue now?  
** **  
****Ph1LzA: Tommy** **  
** **  
****Ph1LzA: Where are you** **  
** **  
** **Technoblade: I’ll check his place** **  
** **  
****Ph1LzA: Tommy please, say something** **  
** **  
** **TommyInnit: I’m so sorry  
  
** **WilburSoot: I'll get some blue for you Tommy, you'll be okay.  
** **  
****Ph1LzA: Fuck** **  
** **  
****Ph1LzA: I’ll check the nether and meet you there Techno**  
  
Tommy knew he didn’t sound like himself at all, not even through his communicator, but he wanted to be able to say _something_ to these people. Even if they had let him fall down so far, he did still love his dad and his brothers.  
  
He probably shouldn’t anymore, but he did.  
  
Slipping his communicator back into his pocket as the portal hummed it's warning and the lava crooned a welcome, Tommy tipped himself forward and dropped out of sight just as Phil burst through the nether portal.  
  
\--  
  
**TommyInnit tried to swim in lava.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we go, the first things for this fandom made and finished.
> 
> The amounts of Kudos on this fic have been insane and I really appreciate it all. Thankyou!

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing in years and it's for this feral fandom in particular.
> 
> Title is based on the song Always Gold by Radical Face


End file.
